An Acquaintance with Panic
by Suitslover14
Summary: Mike is having panic attacks. He's kept it to himself, not wanting to burden anyone with his problems. Until he has a panic attack in the office and Harvey makes it his mission to fix Mike. (Rated T just in case)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N It's been a while since I have written a Suits fic. I hope you like this angsty piece. I don't' know how well I lined up the events of the show with the story so I'm sorry if things are a bit off. This is not a slash fic and I don't own suits. I hope you like it!**

Mike sighed and rubbed a hand through his short blonde hair. His face was red, his chest ached, he was done for the night. Done with working but the files on his desk disagreed. He missed the days spent with Harvey in his office. Days spent in silence, Harvey sipping a tumbler of scotch as Mike poured over document after document. Many hours on the leather couch until Harvey stood up and tapped his shoulder, letting him know it was okay to go home and get some sleep.

But now Mike barricaded himself in his office, reading documents like his life depended on it. It didn't but his sanity did. After Rachel and him broke up he'd been a mess, returning to the small apartment felt like going to prison. The walls taunted him, closing in. Predictable panic attacks wore Mike down, forcing him to stay in his office. Even then after a few drinks his tie felt too tight, his shirt constricted his breathing. He would find himself every night in a ball, shaking, tears running down his face, panic etching it's name into every vein in his body.

He'd been left by everyone. His parents died when he was young, Grammy passed away, his childhood friend Trevor disappeared, Jenny deserted him, Harvey was well… Harvey. Finally Rachel woke up and saw what the others had, that he wasn't worth the loyalty, he wasn't worth keeping. She cheated on him, he called it off and now he was alone, panicking in his office without anyone to call.

Some days he would find himself woken by too bright sunrays, sweat sticking everything to his body. He'd get up and remove his extra suit from his drawer, slipping into it and resuming his job as if nothing happened. A few months ago he would have gone to Harvey, puppy dog eyes begging for advice. But he had put Harvey and Donna through enough drama and Rachel worked for Harvey. He couldn't let their breakup jeopardize Rachel and Harvey's work relationship.

Even as the days faded into paradise, Rachel coming back to him, his breaths continued to be choked out of him during nightfall. He'd race to the bathroom and drown out the sounds of his sobs with the shower. Ignoring the soft knocks Rachel inflicted on the door, he'd press ice cubes to his eyes once the attack wore down and pray that she couldn't tell he'd been crying. It felt like he didn't even know how to breathe anymore, shallow and quick gasps were what he was accustomed to. What did a full, deep, refreshing intake of air even feel like?

Days blended together into time spent surviving, moving his feet, staying away from a zombie state long enough to fool his new boss Louis into thinking he was fine. But he wasn't. He was lonely, abandoned one too many times to heal and in desperate need of anyone to trust. Rachel had hurt him too soon ago that he still hadn't completely forgiven her. Mike didn't dare approach moody, cranky, pissed til there was nothing left to be pissed about Harvey and Donna was a German Shepard. Baring her teeth, protecting all that meant anything to her, even if that excluded Mike. Because Harvey always came first, he was her family, and she was his. Mike needed help because he was in an ocean of murky water and sinking fast.

* * *

><p>"Need a cane or something?" Harvey snapped at Mike when he stumbled, vision blurring in front of him.<p>

"No." Mike gasped not enough air around him.

He rubbed at his eyes, groaning in his mind. His feet were cinder blocks, his tie was strangling him. He couldn't have a panic attack in the office. Mike knew that if he did, he couldn't hide his problem anymore, he'd have to trust someone. That thought only sent him flying faster into the process. He buckled to his knees and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the lights and the eyes he could feel on him, burning holes into his skin.

"Mike?" Harvey snapped, angry that the associate stopped talking to him.

Mike squeaked, a pathetic harumph of breath that was squeezed out of his mouth. His eyes were clenched shut and Mike liked the inky black background against the tightness of his throat. He felt hot, his ears and face on fire, his hands were frozen though, solid blocks of ice. He whimpered again and burrowed into himself, suddenly envious of turtles. They had a home wherever they went. He wished he had made it back to his office, or that he could have locked himself in the file room. He was melting down, in front of the whole firm, in front of Harvey. That's when his breaths alluded him, gasps erupted from his mouth, hungry and desperate for any air they could obtain. He needed oxygen and there just wasn't any in here.

"Mike?" Harvey repeated, weak, afraid.

He registered the first mumble from Mike, filing it as a grunt. But when he turned around he knew it was so much more. The kid looked pathetic, curled up like a child, leaning against the wall. He was wound like a ball of twine, hands clenched, jaw set, eyes squeezed shut so hard Harvey felt a headache coming on from just looking at it. Mike whimpered and Harvey briskly walked over, bending to his level. "Mike talk to me. Please talk to me," He begged desperation leaking into his voice.

Mike was drowning in his screams. He could feel water slogging down his lungs, he couldn't breathe dammit. He was dizzy, the world swirling and tilting in front of him. It was impossible with his eyes shut so tight, but the vertigo twisted the blackness into a funhouse anyway. He wanted to cry, to give up. It was the nerves talking and Mike knew it but every panic attack made him feel like launching off the rooftop just to make it stop. His hands shook furiously from their curled position. He jumped when large hands landed into his own, unwinding them. Mike barely registered it before launching his bright blue eyes open, They searched the room, wild, he was a trapped animal, willing to bite anyone just to get away. But Mike's legs were heavy and he still didn't have enough air to do anything.

"I'm tired." Mike sighed, jitters clicking his teeth together sloppily as he spoke.

"What's wrong?" Harvey asked, he couldn't stop questioning.

"P-p-p-anic At-t-tack." he stuttered, voice falling short of the last syllable.

Mike slipped his eyes shut again, sleepiness gnawing at him trying to pull him under. Adrenaline kept him awake still, driving Mike. From experience Mike knew that even long after the attack wore down, he'd lazily stare at the ceiling, sleep needed but adrenaline ruling. Not letting up enough for him to slip into dreams.

"Look at me," Harvey growled, pulling MIke's focus back, "Do I need to call an ambulance?"

Mike grunted, turning the idea through his racing mind. Ignoring the thump of his too fast heart. He settled on a shrug, it was unknown to him how to deal with these when there was someone there with him. When there was a person sane enough to ask that.

Harvey pulled out his phone, fingers dialing the number. He didn't want to take any chances, not with his once-upon-a-time-associate, not with Mike, not with his Mike. _Was Mike his? Yeah, Mike was his._

Harvey supported Mike's head with the suit jacket, silently awaiting the ambulance. He promised himself to find out. To find out what was going on with Mike, to find out how to help. He didn't' like seeing Mike laying against the office wall, broken. He needed to fix him but he needed to know how first.

**A/N Seemed like a good place to drop off. I don't know how many chapters I will have with this but there will be another. I hoped you liked it, please, please, please drop me a review just so I know how many people want another chapter. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I'm sorry for the wait. Once again, time seemed to escape me. Plus this monster has been giving me trouble. There will be another chapter, I don't know when but there will be. **

Days passed in the little hospital room, Mike sedated. Sleeping, he looked serene, peaceful. But Harvey couldn't get the image of torn up Mike in the hallway, ragged gasps dragging air that didn't seem to help. He rolled his eyes up to the ceiling, tears pooling at the lip of his too red eyelids. Shutting them, his tears fell like flash on a camera, blindingly. His gruff hand wiped them away as he took in a breath. Bruises littered his arms, his words beating them up as he yelled about how oblivious he was. He had shut Mike out, his vision blurring around him, his sixth sense deserting him.

Blue eyes blinked up and him and Harvey straightened.

"Harvey." Mike whispered, confused, drained.

Silent, Harvey swooped he kid's hand up in his own, warmth spreading to the pale, limp thing attached to his old associate. He needled the blond hair through his clunky fingers, awkward and jerky but Mike moved into it and Harvey sighed. He had lost Mike, he had lost the innocent, babbling little kid that he discovered. Somewhere in the path of evolution, the guy had been thrown another curveball and didn't adapt, instead breaking into shards of glass, reflective of his life.

Harvey fit into it somehow, he knew. He knew that he had dropped his gaze, the one that lingered and made sure that Mike was okay, that the smile on his face was real. But the thing was, in Mike's evolution Harvey had cracked a bit too. He had been worn down by worry and panic much the same. He was lost, feeling abandoned and betrayed that Mike was leaving, had left. Sure he visited but it wasn't enough, it would never be enough. And now, now that the boy was back , Harvey was too bitter to pick back up on the Father-like presence, the watching and waiting. The real looking.

They were both a little bit broken and Harvey knew that they needed each other to be put back together again. Two trees leaning against each other, growing up entwined, as strong as the nearest Oak.

"It's okay kid, you'll be okay. Rachel's outside you want to see her?" Harvey asked, trying to seem normal, not shaken, not just a little bit broken.

Mike nodded his head yes, his heart sinking a bit into a void of darkness that had become a friend. No matter what Rachel was the one who sent him off the deep end, but Mike loved her. It left him confused in the wake of pain and panic and he didn't know what to do about it. So before she entered, Mike turned to Harvey and asked for something his pride had prevented before.

"I need help. I'm sinking into something dark and I can't get back out," Mike sighed, the weight of loneliness lightening a bit.

"Of course," Harvey reassured, pride swelling up, recognition striking deep inside him. this was Mike, the one who was missing and buried but there nonetheless, that meant there was hope. And with hope Harvey could perform miracles, "I'll be here, go talk to your girl."

Harvey stepped out of the too small room, crammed with pained memories, the air thick with emotion. He tapped the brunette on her shoulder and pointed to the room, a shrug in his features. She nodded, freckles bright against the raw, red, tear stained skin. Harvey waited for the door to close before, sinking down the orange wall in the hallway. Head in his hands, a throb in his head and his heart. Mind whirling. What was he going to do? How was he going to fix this? He jumped when a click echoed through the hallway, Brown eyes jumping up to meet Rachel staring, nervously twirling her dark hair around her finger. He peered through blue glass into the room, spotting a blanket laid on top of Mike. The blonde fingering it as a lifeline, patchwork was etched into the blanket and Harvey's eyebrows rose as he saw what it was. His Grammy's quilt. A silent question erupted through his mouth, opening and closing in the least composed manner a lawyer could ever be.

"The nurse kicked me out, I wanted to give Mike something to remember home. His home, not ours," Rachel explained, her voice a long sigh, air being let out of a balloon.

"How's that going?" Harvey asked, the words jumping out like overactive bunnies. Hopping around before he even realized he'd released them.

Rachel looked weary, her kitten features screwed up in a scowl, "I messed up, big. I can't go back and fix that. We're still good but something is with him. I broke his trust and he just won't talk to me. Harvey, I think…" She trailed off

"What?" He asked frantically.

"I think he's having panic attacks, I think I broke him. He's been left too many times and I was the only one there for him. Until, I wasn't. Until Logan was there instead of him," Rachel finished in a quaint voice, guilt sharpening each word.

It made sense to Harvey, relative to Mike. It made complete sense, Mike had grown up his whole life being left. By his parents, by Trevor, by Jenny, by himself and Donna in their times of doubt and anger, by his Grammy. But lastly by Rachel, the girl he had fought for. The first person he'd really chosen, whom he won over instead of being paired with. Harvey nodded, not a reassurance but almost a verifying nod. A yes to all Rachel's awful theories and her shoulders slumped with the information.

But Harvey couldn't focus on that now. He needed to focus in Mike. On fixing him now what he knew was broken. He had to show Mike that he mattered, he was important, to Harvey and Donna and Rachel. He had people there and they weren't planning on taking off.

Pushing past Rachel, Harvey reentered the room, Mike now sleeping. His pale form back to looking so young. Harvey noticed the empty table, void of cards and balloons, proof Mike was missed, worried about. He felt he would resolve it, start with the small things and build upwards until there was no more vacuums sucking up all of Mike's air.

"Donna, we need to talk," Harvey spoke into the phone, the feeling of a plan settling into the room.

**A/N Please, please, please review. I'd really appreciate it. Thank you for all the feedback from last chapter. Once again there will be at least one more chapter after this**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N this piece has been a pain the ass. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm sorry it took me forever to write. (Yes, I know it's short)**

"It's all gone to shit, Donna. He needs me but I'm helpless, I'm drowning in my plans and emotions and I don't know what to do. Because I'm disorientated but Mike is dying without me. He's in so much pain and Donna…" Harvey trails off in ragged gasps, his determination has sputtered off leaving so many thoughts and good intentions but he just can't sort them out just yet.

He called Donna after Mike had awakened, after Rachel had revealed the straw that broke the goddamn camel's back. Harvey had been overwhelmingly determined to fix it, to fix everything. But now? Now, he still wasn't quite sure how.

"We can start small, cards delivered to him, maybe a few flower arrangements." Donna huffs, breathing out her mouth and blowing her red hair out of her face. Her gaze wanders Harvey's mouth as it nibbles on his fingernail, a nervous habit she hadn't seen in years.

" I already thought of that but Mike needs more proof than that. A few pieces of paper never meant much to anyone, and with Mike this far down, it won't do a thing," Defeated, Harvey flopped onto his office couch, running another hand through his unusually unruly hair.

"Surprise visit from the office?"

"No. It might just spook him. Those are all people who saw his melt-down, his weakness."

"Damn it, Harvey, we fix all the cases in upper New York why can't we do what really matters?" Donna yelled, just as frustrated as the lawyer settled down in front of her.

Harvey sighed, "Because Mike isn't some case I can cockily confuse the jury with and win by default."

"I'm gonna talk to him." Harvey tugged his tie loose, "he needs to know what he means to me." He stood from the couch, scooping keys up in his hands. "And whether it makes him better or gives him guilt I need him to know. I want him home, I want him better," Harvey strode out the door still muttering under his breath.

Despite being before visiting hours, Harvey shoved the doors open and slipped into Mike's room. "Hey," Mike greeted, surprised.

Harvey pressed his mouth into a thin line, " I want to know why."

"Why what?" Mike snapped.

"You don't believe you deserve all this."

Mike watched Harvey gesture to himself and the newly appeared cards around the room. Brightly colored balloons hung from the ceiling, baked muffins topped the table beside him. But Mike didn't deserve it. Not from friends that he bothered, annoyed. Not from Harvey. Not from the man he was so close to but so separated by anger. Not from Rachel, he really didn't deserve her. She didn't deserve to have a half broken boyfriend, even if it was her own fault.

"I bother everyone," Mike started shakily, "and I know because they leave; they leave and I'm left standing in the dust wondering where I went wrong. But it's just me, I'm what's wrong. Rachel realized that and left but she came back. And I'm petrified for the day that the other shoe drops. When she walks back out," Mike concluded, gasping. The talons of a panic attack gripping his rib cage and squeezing.

Warmth spread across his face, pressure on his waist and torso and head. Tightening. But it was restricting, it wasn't the tightening that occurred during his panic attacks, it was comforting. Like being smothered by a million pillows and wrapped up in a tight blanket.

"I'll never leave. You don't bother me. You are the kind of friend life is worth living for." Harvey whispered, rocking Mike back and forth.

Somehow, Harvey knew that this was the first step to Mike being better. Because anxiety wasn't fixed in a day, wasn't fixed by a hug or cards or even a speech. It took time but Harvey had every intent on being there every single day, on watching Mike gradually improve.

**A/n And it's over. I hoped you liked this! Please leave a review ( I love them) and if you want I might do an epilogue? But I can't promise that it will be completed in any timely manner. Anyway, send me your thought. Thanks!**


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